well, yeah, but is it art?

Nah-ah, its 25 min of paint! Awesome!

Also; when youre eating a real tasty sallad, but its not enough, you know, you need bread.
If you, like me, put your bread in the owen a lot (there's an accident waiting to happen, and I dont even have insurance!), Im just going to share that keeping the owen open while its cooling off + tasty bread with olive oil and salt = just a lil slice of heaven.
Toast - heaven without the stroke.

Memento Mori

So, break-down was obviously needed and way over due. Good riddens, now if the pain behind eyebrow would just up and leave, we could really get startin here. Seriously, feels like its just gonna 'splode all over the screen. Eewww.

I fell asleep watching O Brother yesterday, so today felt kinda awkward until I started digging death songs. Yeah, strange fruit, dark night, all that.

Problem when stressing while being petrified, like yesterday, is that you know (You KNOW) exactly how goddamn lucky you are to have that. You know what people think of you for possibly screwing it up, you wouldnt want to speak any ill of it, cause its so goddamn lucky, you practically have leprechauns coming out of you arse (and oh, Hi, Happy S:t Paddy's day!)

But uh, where was I? Oh yeah, dont think its about lazy or not being grateful enough, thats all Im saying. I know exactly how blessed I am, but Im also starving and working really hard, so Im entitled to bitching.

You might feel defense is red-alerting a bit today, and thats because Ive returned to forum lurking. Its fun! People get all mixed up in drama, politics, bassoons (sp?) and whatnot. Coming from outside, its hilarious. We've all been there I suppose (no wait, what?).

Now its more blues, dreaming about warm weather and avocado sallad royale. Peace!

Is there a doctor in the house?

I know, still no dazzling art work or even update and yadayada. Noone reads this anyways (cept you, sweetie; Hi!).

Ive been doing double courses since 25th of Jan, moved around the 20th of Feb, having awesome sex meanwhile, and now Im apperently assistant in this research project (HUGE!) and Im not even close to qualified for it, but there ya go. Like dad said 'life's unfair, but sometimes thats your advantage'. So life, to put it mildly, has been somewhat hectic.

Nearly no social events, no beer, no money to spend on fun things or hell, even tasty things.
Just study, study, work, stress, work, study, study, (sexytime), work, eat cheap and close-to disgusting things. Makes Ed a dull girl, naturlich.

Cause, its like this; Ive had these periods of time before; no money and a lot of responsibility, youre not in control of your own time, and theyre fine, I can handle them... For two weeks.
Now we're pushing four, and this after (by my standards) a rough patch and I just-

I need to breathe. I need control over one morning or night, one without stress or thoughts.

Im not being friend enough, Im not being partner enough (where its needed), Im barely a daughter, Im just a student (coincidently quite low-ranking in the goverments eyes).
My mind, of course, thrives on this, and is currently indulging in weird dreams and thoughts completely unrelated to the matter at hand (school, if ya missed it) and Im telling you, Im not able deal with them in a healthy manner. Youre not helping!

Struggling with all these thoughts about possibly, maybe, being one of those I used to despise, one that everything seems to work out for (what if I am?) when I should be doing the dishes in my awesome "apartment", write my resumé and just get on with it - Now, I feel I came to a halt.
Its just Stop. Fuck.