pre-monday

Ive had a goddamn awful day.
So even if my new, rosy outlook is intact and stable, you can still have sucktard days. And you know, even if I am doing a lot better, I keep having crap sandwhich days. With our without positive thinking. Nevertheless, here I am, working 13 hrs straight, feeling kinda good about things to come.

There'll be a lot of spare time from now on. Ill be working weekends, but only semi-schooling, and so; apartment will be found, creativity re-discovered, upkeep kept and Sims 2 Seasons played. Also, Im planning to have massive amounts of sex.

Slight personal historical moment a few days ago, I ate a banana!
I was very allergic to them when I was just an infant, and it stayed with me as a kid. Naturally, after kindergarten, I never ate a banana, cos why would I wanna throw up for hours?

So, thursday was a day off, and with nothing better to do, I curled up three meters from the toilet with phone (call an ambulance if needed), sweatpants, water, antihistamine and junk tv.
Slowly, I discovered this fruit (sorry, berry, shmessermitts) y'all take for granted. Lemme tell you, there's nothing like it, it cannot be described for someone who cant eat it. Weird, sweet, tangy and kinda meaty. See? Impossible.
As well as the experience of eating something so common, but so (for you) dangerous. Ive been thaught that the smell and touch of it = hazard, and now Im about to volontarily take a big bite of this obscene fruit? (sorry, berry)

For all the starlets

Oh how I wish I could be you. I used to be just like you, you know. All fizz and smiles, stars in eyes, with an air of cool, not because I needed to impress, but I honestly didnt care whatever opinion you had of me. The less I cared, the more they cheered. I was clever, fun, naturally thin and pretty, why would I care? About what, exactly?
There was no global warning (or, as long as you werent china or marge simpson, you were fine), I was gonna quit smoking anyways, noone gets hurt as long as youre honest, I dont get hurt as long as I stay sharp.
My excuses were many and weak, people were upset and there, I thinks, it started.

The realisation of not everyone is invincible.

I was ok with that, I saw people acting a lot worse than me. Then remembering my dads words; 'you should never compare yourself with the people finishing the race last, youre better than that'. I wasnt.

Point being; I am now.
But by Gid, god or gudrun, what toll its taken.

I wanna be a starlet again.