I keep falling over

Summer is thrashing outside, yearning me to drink heavily in parks and feel bad about it the next day.
Its just a house, not a home, but slowly realising it is, and that I put myself here. And maybe I need this, maybe this dislocation is just temporary panic of not finding that stupid piece of puzzle, probably just someones nose or whatever, and I need not find it to see the motif.

Im not gonna lie, Im censored up to my ears in this place too, and I wish I could talk to you like I need to.
"Its not about how you feel, its about how you make others feel" well, fuck you sir, it is not.
For some it may be, and I was getting adopted into this whole wonderful family of Beautiful Freaks (meant in the best, possible way) but Im getting worn out, ran down and diminished.
Or, she wrote in a moment of clarity, I was doing it to myself. No idea to be pointing fingers, I thought, but its hard not to surrender to the current trend.

I keep passing out.
Blacking out whatever I dont know how to deal with right now, and when Im done doing that Ill.. I might not.