Which is actually a subject I would love to touch, being a L2 speaker and all, but not today.
No, today its quicky-posty time, I have movies to watch, things to take care of and most definately books to read.
Following the honest guilt-trend here, Id like to say a few things about procrastination (guess what this is, btw). See, I know there's this idea of lazyness attached to it, and that might be partially true, but its not all of it. Again, its about fear of failure. If I dont give it my all (ie start on time and work on something for long) I wont feel as bad if doesnt turn out good.
Its hard trying to explain the procrastination way for non-believers, cause ultimately, it is a destructive force. I do think, however, that peoples work rythms are very different, and most of you who dont, would benefit from thinking the process thru before you start. The problem after that is just starting (and not the day before deadline).
Ive always been a procrastinator. I noticed early how I could get away with minimal effort, so I did. Thing was, I always got stressed by putting it off for so long, so the final (usually brilliant, ahem) product was always tear- and sweat drenched. I was waiting for the right time to do things differently, you know like, when it would matter. But I think it never did. I could always pull something above-average out of my ass when I needed, not becuase Im that smart, but because I understood what I needed to (with minimal effort).
Ive lost that ability now, and I guess thats a good thing. I need to work hard, really hard, on assignments "below" my intelectual capacity. Naturally, this breeds doubt and anxiety, meaning my starting's never come unless I find someone to make me.
This semester has been so much harder than it needed to be.
Wednesday, May 13
Monday, May 11
fuh-DELL-uh-tee
Turns out its impossible for me to write a strict study blog in english. Most of my imidiate observations and thoughts concern swedish phenomena, 't would be tarded and time consuming, not to mention tedious to read, to try and explain everything.
Secondly, trying to keeping this place up to date without mentioning my thoughts on books, classmates, teachers, ideals and despairs sounds fucking ridiculous now. What was I thinking?
A lot.
Which brings us to #3, I cant get around this without going all out; last years condition still has to be dealt with. So lets start there.
I know there's a high frequency of both malpractise, quick n easy solutions and misunderstandings regarding the "diagnosis" burnt out. Or similar.
What pisses me off though, is people who know me, and still doubt the legitimacy of my sick leave. Im still having a hard time coming to terms with what actually happened, how I will prevent it from happening again (something that wakes me up in the middle of the night) and how legit I think it is.
Not that any doubters are reading this, but Im not on any pills, Im spending money and time talking to a professional, I dont feel like a victim but the condition, whateveritis, affected my work performance. Thats why people get sick leaves, they cant work. I know, I know, I know, there's a whole trend of people being considered lazy on one end, and people using the system on the other. I cant speak for them, or their doctors.
My case was this; I didnt function. Luckily, even though it'd been building up over time (how long? dunno) the emergency break was pulled before an actual crash. Did I cry and thought it would be easier to kill myself? Yes. The crazy german doctor called it exhaustion/depression, and I dont think anyone around me couldve pegged me as depressed. We're different.
Bitchy doctor lady then continued to explain this as a lack of vitamines. She also assumed I was on a diet and wanted to get pregnant soon, but I digress.
The woman Im now seeing about these things, and general everyday fuckery, is cool. I think she kinda gets me, which is rare. Not that Im unique snowflake in any way, but I cant stand being held up to a norm not chosen by me. I think thats fundamentally human in a way.
Am I "cured"? I have no idea. I have serious issues with what Im studying, where Im going, and the future scares the crap out of me. This all sounds perfectly normal.
My sense of self has, for some reason, never been completely destroyed. My confidence in getting things done, has. Obviously it affects this place here, my words will never be good enough and my thoughts will never be clever enough. Im ok with that, question (again, probably not directed to anyone reading this) is, are you?
Secondly, trying to keeping this place up to date without mentioning my thoughts on books, classmates, teachers, ideals and despairs sounds fucking ridiculous now. What was I thinking?
A lot.
Which brings us to #3, I cant get around this without going all out; last years condition still has to be dealt with. So lets start there.
I know there's a high frequency of both malpractise, quick n easy solutions and misunderstandings regarding the "diagnosis" burnt out. Or similar.
What pisses me off though, is people who know me, and still doubt the legitimacy of my sick leave. Im still having a hard time coming to terms with what actually happened, how I will prevent it from happening again (something that wakes me up in the middle of the night) and how legit I think it is.
Not that any doubters are reading this, but Im not on any pills, Im spending money and time talking to a professional, I dont feel like a victim but the condition, whateveritis, affected my work performance. Thats why people get sick leaves, they cant work. I know, I know, I know, there's a whole trend of people being considered lazy on one end, and people using the system on the other. I cant speak for them, or their doctors.
My case was this; I didnt function. Luckily, even though it'd been building up over time (how long? dunno) the emergency break was pulled before an actual crash. Did I cry and thought it would be easier to kill myself? Yes. The crazy german doctor called it exhaustion/depression, and I dont think anyone around me couldve pegged me as depressed. We're different.
Bitchy doctor lady then continued to explain this as a lack of vitamines. She also assumed I was on a diet and wanted to get pregnant soon, but I digress.
The woman Im now seeing about these things, and general everyday fuckery, is cool. I think she kinda gets me, which is rare. Not that Im unique snowflake in any way, but I cant stand being held up to a norm not chosen by me. I think thats fundamentally human in a way.
Am I "cured"? I have no idea. I have serious issues with what Im studying, where Im going, and the future scares the crap out of me. This all sounds perfectly normal.
My sense of self has, for some reason, never been completely destroyed. My confidence in getting things done, has. Obviously it affects this place here, my words will never be good enough and my thoughts will never be clever enough. Im ok with that, question (again, probably not directed to anyone reading this) is, are you?
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